Panic Attacks

What an interesting day this has been. The girls stayed the night again (two weeks now) and TJei headed off for a couple hours of school. Tomorrow is officially the last day of school for her, yesterday was Mia's last day. TJei had to attend until 11:00 this morning. She would be riding the bus home after school. We took Mia home about 10:00 then Mike and I headed off to Show Low. Breakfast at Denney's. Sounds good. It was good. I had a usual breakfast; scrambled eggs, bacon, and two small pancakes. Mike went for something new, Apple Pie French Toast. Yum, that was good. I had a bite of the apple and another bite of apple with some of the crumble. That was good. I'm glad (sometimes) Mike is a bit more adventurous than me on food choices. :)

We picked up pictures from Walgreen's. I was really looking forward to that! These were pictures from last weekend in the Valley with Zena at Desert Challenge and also celebrating Ashlee's birthday. Lots of smiles and special moments captured in those images. Lots of smiles looking them over.

As we crossed the intersection and started heading into Walmart, my phone rang. It was Shawn, my sister Kim's boyfriend. He was terribly upset and he told me Kim had a stroke this morning and was not doing well. I assured him I would find out what I could and get back in touch with him. It took a little while but eventually I was able to call again and felt secure in assuring him the problems Kim is experiencing are not medical matters. Her CT scan and other tests had come back normal. I think the problem is panic attacks leading to conversion disorders. Millie had experienced stroke symptoms in 2008 and that was the diagnosis they had given her when all the tests came back normal.

Long distance diagnosis yeah but I'm pretty sure there is no medical emergency with Kim at this time. I hope she is able to let go of some of the stress and get healthy again.

Two More Calls

Neither of them even knew about my call from Millie yesterday but I got calls from both Kim and Jeff today. I hope I don't get struck by lightening or something!

Kim called to say hi and give me an update on family members. Two of our aunts were hospitalized last evening - one with a stroke and another with heart problems. :( Kim and Colleen had gone to the hospital to visit and see how they were doing. Aunt June didn't know Kim although she showed a bit of progress because she shook her head "no". That was a first for that type of movement. Doctors believe she has a clot that caused the disruption of blood and oxygen to her head. Her right side is paralyzed and she is hardly able to talk. She can make sounds but it is difficult to distinguish what she is trying to say.

It was good to talk with Kim but sad that it was for such a heartbreaking reason. :(

Aunt June's son Mark had let me know about the emergency on Facebook. He has been in my thoughts since hearing the news. She has been his biggest friend and advocate, like my own mom for Zena. He will endure many losses with her new disabilities. My prayers are with him and the rest of their family.

Jeff called me a little bit ago, too. It has been a couple months since we've talked so there was a lot to catch up on. :) He wanted to say hi and ask about the baby, get an update on how she is doing. Jeff is in the truck and on the road. There is a lot of background noise - he uses a headset. It was hard to make out what he was saying at times. My heart goes out to Jeff. He is pained by the words and actions of recent months, especially some of the things Colleen has said. She has always been so very close to him and it is so hard for him to be on the receiving end of such wrath. It was so good to hear from my kid brother. I'm not sure why we don't call more often. :]

Lots of Birthdays

Today is Kim's birthday. I hope her day is special and that she knows she is loved.

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And, oh my gosh ... it is Charity's birthday, too! You mean the world to me, Charity. You are so sweet and such a wonderful mommy. I have so much fun with you. I'm looking forward to making another trip your direction someday, can't wait. I miss you bunches and you're in my thoughts and prayers on your special day.

UPDATE 5:48pm
Oh what a treat! I just finished talking with Charity, she called and we had a great little chat for several minutes. Not too bad, it's her birthday and I receive a gift!
I love you Charity! Thank you for the call. :-)

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And still another special birthday ... Kalee! Happy 11th birthday sweetheart! It was so good to talk to you on the phone and wish you happiness on your special day. I love you, sugar, and hope that your day, already memorable with the birth of a new cousin, is a very special day indeed. {{{hugz}}}

Breaking Hearts

My youngest sister, Kim, shown in this picture from eons ago when visiting Arizona with my mom, has always battled this internal struggle of self-worth and an overwhelming dependency on others. Kim's mother died when she was just a little girl. She is my dad's daughter. She is my sister. She was raised by my mother.

In recent months Kim has been in frequent contact with me. That has caused some conflicts for me - not because I didn't want to do anything in my power to help Kim remain strong as she tried to once again break from her demons and take care of herself. The conflicts are rooted in not being able to tell another sister - or anyone at all in our family - about these communications. Kim has burned so many bridges. She has hurt so many people, broken so many hearts. Especially the hearts of her two sweet little girls who are in the care and custody of our sister. She has broken their hearts so many times. I've not been able to tell anyone about these communications. That's made it hard because it has affected how often Zena and I talk - I don't like having kept this from her but she would have been quite upset to know that I was in daily, or even more frequent, contact with Kim.

Kim has become close friends with a young woman named Moe, Martha E. Jackson, a woman working hard to stay afloat with her own struggles, and I've gotten to know Moe and grown close to her through phone conversations. Kim and Moe worked waiting tables at the same restaurant in Dryden, Virginia. Moe has been a really good friend to Kim and she was the one to call me when Kim was hospitalized back on November 30th. Kim was terribly sick and couldn't keep anything down. Her abdomen was extremely sensitive. She was in a lot of pain. Moe fretted over her and worried about her. Moe called me often to keep me posted of Kim's condition. She worked double shifts with just short breaks between so Kim's hours would be covered at work. We were all pleased when Kim was released from the hospital on December 4th - undiagnosed :( - and was able to return to work the next day.

This is a new day. This morning Moe called me, she is heartbroken. Kim drove her to work this morning and apparently she returned home to pack up her things and leave out for Toledo ... returning to the man who has abused her in horrific ways, beaten her horribly, fed her drugs to keep her unstable and dependent. She left all she was building to return to him and that horrid life. Moe is devastated. My heart breaks for her and also for the day when her two little ones, who have known their mom was gone and making a new life to someday be reunited with them, learn she has returned to that life. I love you, Kim but I hate the pain you inflict on yourself and others. My heart breaks for the pain I know Kalee and Britenee will endure. I love you little ones .... know always you are not alone.