Looking in Mirrors

A lady contacted me today and told me that she had a problem and wanted to know if I could stop by and visit with her. I told her I'd be by in just a few minutes and then set about getting ready to leave the house and make the short drive to her home. When I arrived, the lady was on her porch along with her adult daughter who lives with her. They began telling me the tale of the wheelbarrow.

Sometime back, another daughter who lives here in town with her husband and children borrowed a wheelbarrow from her mother to do some work at their home. The missionaries have been visiting with the mom and daughter and they have made plans to do a clean-up around their place. In preparation for the clean-up, the family is supposed to do some work gathering things together into piles so it can be gathered up and discarded. They plan to use the wheelbarrow to collect materials into piles. The mom tried to get her wheelbarrow back from the daughter who had borrowed it. She has been unable to get the wheelbarrow. The son in-law changed the wheel from a solid tire to an inflated tire which is flat. The wheelbarrow cannot be used because the tire is flat. The mom has tried several times to get the original solid tire. The son in-law, who now claims the wheelbarrow is his, states he will give her the tire when he gets his wheelbarrow back.

Okay, confusing, I know. One thing led to another during all the conversation and before long I am hearing  the tales of a dysfunctional family. Tales that sound all too familiar.

The mom - grandmother to the children of her two daughters, is not allowed to have contact with the children of her daughter who lives here in town. She isn't advised of game schedules, not invited to games and activities. Her little grandchildren, that she had a very close relationship with, now get in trouble if they ride their bikes to grandma's house. Little grandchildren who had been close to one another are no longer able to have contact with one another. One little cousin, the one living at grandma's house, is ostracized by the aunt and uncle, parents of the other children - just shut out entirely.

The married daughter and her husband now spend free time with friends and party often. Their extended family no longer fits into their life or activities. They are no longer welcome, and even turned away.

This family feels the relationship has become strained because of jealousy. Envy. The husband and wife family have little girls. The daughter living with mom has a little boy. Grandma feels the girls parents are jealous of the fact the little boy lives at her home. Jealous of the time this little one has with his grandma. An especially sad aspect to all of this, the grandma has battled cancer and been sick for a terribly long time. You'd think the family would be drawn together instead of being so torn apart.

As I listened to their appeal for help I couldn't help but see a frame, as if looking in mirrors, as I'd look into their faces. Who am I to offer help for such a matter? I can't resolve the problems in my own family. I can't reach my own children to tear down the walls of miscommunication and yes, jealousies. Envy. Walls that allow small problems to become monumental and drive nails of anger, resentment, mistrust, and opposition into the hearts and minds of all involved.

Oh how my heart aches to be looking in mirrors and seeing my family together and happy instead of this scene of heartache and sorrow.

For the family I visited with, all I could offer at this time was to try and repair the flat tire on their wheelbarrow...or at least to get Mike to try repairing the flat, and prayers. Prayers is the best I have at this time. Prayers for their family, prayers for my own family.

T-Ball Season

T-ball season has come and gone. Davis and Daphne played their last game on Tuesday evening. I was returning home from Show Low so I didn't make the game. It was over by the time I arrived back after my doctor appointment. Not all my appointments are in the Valley and, even though some of my grandchildren are so very close, I am not able to make it to their games. I arrived at the field just in time to see TJei and Mia's team walking off the field at the end of their game. I'm glad I was able to catch one of their games earlier in the year. Sadly, I wasn't able to see Daphne and Davis playing at all his year. :(

I love you, Little Ones, even when I'm not at the games. You mean the world to me, all of my grandchildren...you are my world.

Personal Progress

The church has a terrific program for young women to help them grow and learn and draw closer to Heavenly Father while they seek a greater understanding of themselves and their divine role in Heavenly Father's plan.
https://www.lds.org/young-women/personal-progress?lang=eng
There are so very many notable objectives in these goals and girls work with their parents and their leaders to compete the goals. After completion, in our ward, the girls are given a choice between a small marble statue or a larger ceramic statue as an award for their completion and achievements.

That little statue ended up being the cause of major disruptions at our house last night. Jodie came into the house late last evening, I don't really know what time, but know she was looking to stir trouble because she just walked in and stood in front of the couch, glancing up toward the ledge above the stairs. She finally demanded to know where her Young Women award was at and yelling at me, accusing me of stealing her award. Oh my heck! Seriously, Jodie? You think I'd steal your award?

It is so hard to listen to her calling me names and making wild accusations against me. I tried really hard to just overlook her behavior, again. She finally left out from the house, slamming the downstairs arcadia door to the point I was surprised she hadn't broken it.

When Mike came in this morning, we talked about what had happened last night. He went up to go to bed after his 12 hour shift and when he did, he used his flashlight to shine along the ledge looking around. His light stopped on a small statue, sitting where it has been for maybe 10 years or so. The statue that Jodie couldn't see standing where she was in front of the couch. She needed to take a couple steps over beyond where she was to see the statue still sitting in the very same place she left it so long ago.

 

Jodie returned this morning as I was leaving for church. I came back and unlocked the door because she said she needed to get some things. I told her the statue was sill sitting there. She turned again to look up at the ledge? "Where?" she asked. I told her she was going to have to take a couple steps over to see it which she did then she went on to accuse me of putting it back where it had been because she had caught me stealing it. Oh my heck! This just couldn't be happening.

 

Unfortunately though, it was happening. This is what our lives have become. We (mainly me) are verbally assaulted at every turn even in our own home. We are constantly on pins and needles just waiting for the next attack of my character to take place, for the next barrage of foul names to come forth.

 

And now, I was late for church, too. I really needed to go. I needed the peace and solace that I find within those walls. The comfort and spirit that I feel when at church. I really did need to feel that peace. I left for church and throughout much of the meetings I let my mind reflect on a quote I'd posted earlier in the morning on Facebook, "Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals" by President Monson.

 

 

I do forgive you, Jodie. I like believing these outbursts are beyond your control. They still hurt...so very much. I love you and I pray that someday you will find a way to allow yourself to forgive. I am so sorry for anything I've done that allows you to feel vindicated in your behavior. Please forgive me.

 

 

The little statue is gone now from where she had been on the ledge. I hope Jodie is able to reflect on those lessons from so long ago.