It is difficult watching Mike's struggles as he tries to recuperate from these debilitating illnesses. He has never been one for laying around or sitting around, always on the go. He'd drive me batty as he paces around during a phone conversation. It was too restricting to be confined by the reach of the handset. Back and forth he'd pace. Not right now though. Mike doesn't have the energy to make it from the recliner to the bathroom without stopping to sit and rest on the arm of the couch. He is weak and he's frustrated at his inability to get up and go, move about. He wants to pace. I want him to pace..never thought I'd say that!
Mike has not been able to eat much of anything. Regular meals are out of the question although I keep trying to prepare nourishing foods throughout the day in the hope something will whet his appetite. This morning he managed to eat a small serving of oatmeal. That has been all he's managed to consume so far today and that was more than seven hours ago. The doctors want him to eat more protein rich foods. It is difficult to increase protein when there is so very little being consumed. Nothing at all tastes good to him. Everything tastes bland and dry. Nothing at all sparks his appetite. The lack of appetite fuels the lack of energy but try as he might, he just cannot get much food down and when he does get it down, it is another challenge to keep it there.
His abdomen hurts. He is still experiencing a lot of pain across the top of his abdomen on both left and right sides. The doctors, surgeon and family, think there's a chance he has abscesses on organs inside his abdomen as a result of the infections. That could explain the pain and the elevated white cell count in his blood work. But, we wait. We are still waiting for an appointment to have a CT scan done at the hospital. It should have been ordered on Monday. I called this morning and was told the paperwork would be completed today. Huh? Why wasn't it completed on Monday? Okay, I'm just a tad impatient when it comes to oversights like that. Now, I've just called again because another day has passed without hearing anything about an appointment. What? You'll send the paperwork to the hospital now. That's nice of you.
Mike has an unusually high pain tolerance. That's partly how he became so very sick. He endured the pain of his gall bladder becoming gangrenous in his abdomen to the point it caused the pancreas to become inflamed as gall stones blocked ducts and prevented things from working properly. Only when the pain became extreme did Mike seek out medical care. By then, he was terribly sick. So, I know he is in a lot of pain when he asks for a pain pill. And he asks regularly. He is still in so very much pain and that worries me. His surgery was nearly a month ago, January 28th. He should have started feeling better by now. He shouldn't be experiencing pain, especially not debilitating pain. Yet, he does. And we don't now why. And, they're not making it a priority to identify the source of his pain. I may scream.
The oxygen condenser makes a quiet swish, swish sound as it delivers up oxygen to the nasal cannula wrapped around his face and it is quite a change to have Mike's breaths so shallow that he doesn't even snore. Okay, the not snoring part I can deal with. It's the shallow breaths that bother me. His mouth drops open when he falls asleep and I have to keep a close watch to see movement on his chest to even know he is breathing! No more deep breaths, no heaving of his chest or abdomen as he breaths. Not a sound escapes his airway. He needs to condition himself to breathing deeper again. But, he's weak and has no energy for taking on any changes. It's just this nasty little cycle of being ill.
Mike falls asleep throughout the day and night. They're just little cat naps, not a good rest. I am just grateful he is able to sleep because his body needs that time for recuperating. I know he'd feel better if he could get a bit of real quality sleep instead of these cat naps. But the cat naps will have to suffice for now. Maybe that's just as well. His blood pressure has sure been looking good with all this resting going on.
This lack of mobility is taking a toll on him, and me too. Me because of reflections...looking back at other times, other situations, other people experiencing difficult on-going medical matters. Could I have done more? Could I have things something differently? Did I do all I could have done? Mike's dad, Scotty comes to mind most readily. My own mom comes to mind, too, but she was not alone, there was other family available to help her along. Not minimizing my love for my mom, I would have done anything for her. Scotty was alone. He didn't have anyone there to remind him about meds, or to monitor his pain meds. He didn't have anyone to prepare meals and encourage him to eat. He didn't have an advocate following up on doctor appointments and medical procedures. He was alone and his pain never eased after he had surgery. He sought answers and he sought relief from the ongoing pain. Did I do all I could have to make things better for him? I don't know. I do know I have faith in Heavenly Father's plan for me and for Mike. I have faith in the knowledge of His love. I have faith that I'll learn to be more compassionate to those in need of love and support. That is my prayers as my husband heals.
